Already there
I never met Maharajji in his physical form. Even so, I cannot remember a time when he felt absent from my life.
Kainchi, Maharajji and Ma were part of how our family lived, remembered, travelled and prayed. I grew up hearing stories from people who had known him. I never felt that I had to search for a Guru. I felt fortunate to have been born with one already looking after me.
The night after the result
My sister was appearing for her MBBS examinations. When she did not clear them on her first attempt, she decided to take a year and prepare again. Everyone was disappointed. I was sad too, and in that sadness I asked Maharajji why he had allowed this to happen.
That same night, Maharajji came in my dream. He held my hand and took me from Kainchi to Bhowali. I asked him many questions and we spoke for what felt like a long time. I do not remember every word now, but I remember his smile.
On the way back, he continued to hold my hand. I held my sister’s hand, and he brought both of us back to Kainchi.
What changed
When I woke, the circumstances had not changed. My sister still had to study and appear again. Yet something in me had become quiet. I stopped asking why. I felt certain that she would clear her examination the next time, and she did.
What stayed with me was the feeling of his hand around mine and the sight of my sister walking with us. Trust did not mean that every difficult moment would disappear. It meant that I did not have to understand every turn before believing that we were being looked after.
The hand that does not let go
Whenever we asked Ma for something, she told us to ask Maharajji. For us, Ma and Maharajji were never separate in the way love, protection and guidance reached us, although Ma always remained deeply humble.
I still see Maharajji and Ma in dreams. I also see Kainchi in my dreams when I am missing it and cannot visit. I do not try to turn every dream into a prediction. I simply receive those moments as comfort.
Faith has not made me free of sadness, worry or ordinary human questions. But beneath those questions is something steadier now. Once he has held your hand, I believe he does not let go.